The Broken Bus Stop

 At a traffic light stop on my way home, an old lady knocked on my window and asked if I could give her a ride to her home which is on the way to where I was heading.  She said she had just attended Church and was trying to catch a bus home, but her knees hurt from arthritis.  I almost asked her why not call for a Grab ride but decided against it.  Hesitant at first, I agreed to give her a ride as she looked desperate.

Once inside the car, she started telling me her life story without me even asking.  Her name is Dorothy Lee, 75 years old, unmarried, worked her entire life as a kitchen hand in Singapore hotels and saved enough money to buy a house after retiring.  Her only close relatives now are a couple of nieces/nephews who are now too busy with their own lives and they have not called/visited as often as they used to.  As I listened to her the thought crossed my mind that here is one lonely soul who needed someone to talk to.

She asked me to drop her off at the "broken bus stop".  It was a bus stop that had been knocked down by a lorry and all that's left is a blue slab to indicate where it once stood.  Before alighting, she asked me if I live alone and I answered in the affirmative.  She then thanked me for the ride and said "I hope our lives will not be like this broken bus stop".  

Thank you Dorothy for that sobering analogy.  Yes, life can indeed be a broken bus stop....once standing strong and providing shelter but now just a broken slab of cement overrun by the useless weeds of time!

 

The Journey of A Lifetime (Republished)

It was a journey all practising Muslims look forward to and aspire to undertake at least once in their lifetime...the pilgrimage to Makkah for the obligatory Haj. The calling to perform the Haj came to me while I was in hospital fighting for my life due to medical negligence earlier this year. In spite of my recent surgery and the threat of H1N1 especially in a place where almost 3 million people gather, I resovled to undertake the journey with necessary precautions.

The Haj is associated with the life of Islamic prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) from the 7th century, but the ritual of pilgrimage to Mecca is considered by Muslims to stretch back thousands of years to the time of Abraham (Ibrahim), who was commanded by God to sacrifice his son, Ishmael (Ismail). The rituals performed by Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) are re-enacted during the Haj, including the timing and places where the rituals occured.

The haj takes place from the 7th to 12th day of the month of Dzul Hijjah (the 12th month of the Muslim calendar). Based on Western calendar, these dates coincided with November 25 to 30, 2009. The rituals of the Haj are made up of Tawaf, Sai, standing at Arafah, spending the night at Mudzalifah and stoning of the Devil in Mina.

The rituals known as Tawaf and Sai are also required for the Umrah (minor haj) and their significance have been described in my post dated April 11, 2009.

For the haj, pilgrims additionally travel eastward from Makkah to Arafah where they are to remain until sunset on the ninth day, then stop to spend the night at Muzdalifah before proceeding to Mina at daybreak on the 10th day of Dzul Hijjah. From Mina, pilgrims return to Makkah.

Arafah (Arafat)

Tents at Arafah

Pilgrims spend time on the Plains of Arafat (Arafah). Arafah represents the beginning of man's creation. In the story of Adam (creation of mankind on earth), it is said that after Adam's descent onto earth, he met Eve at Arafah, it was there that they were acquainted with each other. The descent was when Adam was instructed to leave heaven after he rebelled. Arafah is also the place where Jabal Al-Rahmah (Mountain of Mercy) is situated, where Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) gave his final sermon 14 centuries ago.

On 7th Dzul Hijjah (November 25, 2009), we departed Makkah for Arafah for the ritual known as Wukuf (which means "standing"). There are no specific rituals for Wukuf except to be present (standing before Allah) in contemplative vigil, prayers and supplications. Wukuf occurs on the 9th day of Dzul Hijjah between the afternoon (after dzohor prayers) until sunset during which pilgrims must be present; even if for a moment. Without this, the haj is not valid. Many try to be on Jabal Al-Rahmah at this time to pray for forgiveness; but it is adequate to be anywhere in Arafah for this ritual.

Our stay at Arafah (from 7th to 9th Dzul Hijjah) was a monumental test of patience, civility and spirit of goodwill amongst fellow beings. The first test was there was a heavy storm two days before Wukuf, which was considered a blessing for it rarely rained in the desert during this time of the year. There were floods, some tents were blown off and electricity was cut off.

We arrived late evening on 7th Dzul Hijjah after the storm and found that some mattresses in the tents were soaked. Some had to make do by laying plastic sheets on their mattresses to sleep. We also suffered mosquito bites in the dark and had to use torchlights to read the Quran. Another challenge was the lack of toilet facilities for the large number of pilgrims; resulting in long bathroom queues.

Inside the ladies' tent at Arafah

Pilgrims settling in for the night

The experience at Arafah was profoundly emotional for me; during the period of Wukuf all pilgrims had to be outside their tents praying, supplicating and contemplating. The air was filled with prayers and with a helicopter hovering above (for security reasons), it was a tearfully moving experience as I reflected on the course of my life, contemplated on what I need to do to be a better person and prayed to Allah for the strength to do so. I also offered prayers for family members (including the deceased), for a blessed and healthy life, for all Muslims, including my friends, for peace in my beloved country and to depart the world in imaan (faith). At this time too, I reflected on my late husband who performed the Haj 20 years ago on very short notice and with minimal funds...he was killed in a skydiving accident and was buried on the 44th day from the day he left for Makkah....I prayed that I would have time to redeem my sins before I return to Allah.

Muzdalifah (Mash'ar)

After sunset on the 9th day of Dzul Hijjah, we departed for Muzdalifah (or Mash'ar) to spend the night under the stars. This period signifies the Day of Judgement - Muslims believe they will gather in Mash'ar on Judgement Day to be judged by Allah for their deeds during their lifetime. The night was spent in prayers and collecting pebbles for the next ritual (Stoning of the Devil) at Mina. By dawn on the 10th (the day kown as Eid El-Adha), we left for Mina.

From darkening evening sky....

...to nightfall........and, finally, dawn at Muzdalifah

Mina

Mina is known as the "three-day city" for it comes alive only for three days in a year during the Haj. Our accommodation at Mina was a huge air-conditioned tent with 400 occupants.

Tent City Mina

This tent accommodates ~400 people

In Mina, we performed the first Ramy, throwing seven pebbles at the largest of three columns known as Jamarat. Today, for safety reasons, the columns have been changed to walls.

This act is a symoblic stoning of the Devil, based on historic tradition. Allah commanded Abraham (Ibrahim) to sacrifice his son, as proof of faith. It is believed that at this spot in Mina, the Devil appeared and tried to dissuade Abraham from heeding the command. Abraham responded by throwing stones to scare him off. Millions of pilgrims converge at the Jamarat bridge, which houses the three walls representing the Devil, in order to re-enact the story (Abraham was tempted three times by the Devil to ignore Allah's command).

After casting the stones, pilgrims must peform the sacrifice. Completing the story, when Abraham went to sacrifice his son, he found Allah had placed a ram there to be slaughtered instead. Pilgrims thus must slaughter a sheep, goat, cow or camel - or more likely, pay for it to be done in their names. In my case, I paid the money (equivalent to Saudi Riyal 330) to Tabung Haji (Malaysian Pilgrims Board, which organized the haj for Malaysians) to perform the sacrifice on my behalf. The meat was then distributed to the poor.

 

It must be mentioned here that in Mina, I had my first taste of camel meat - it tastes like beef, albeit a little coarser!

We left Mina around noon on the 13th day of Dzul Hijjah to return to Makkah for the remaining rituals which included the Umrah, Tawaf and Sa'i.  

Makkah

There are currently plans underway to rebuild the city of Makkah and during the period of the Haj, all construction activities came to a halt. Shown below are some scenes from the city:

An artist's impression of a hotel being built in Makkah

A familiar name in the project to rebuild Makkah

For the last eight days of my 32-day Haj (the Haj period may be as long as 44 days), we visited the city of Madinah to pray at Masjid Nabawi, the resting place of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). The visit is not obligatory but is traditionally included during the Haj.

The religion of Islam is not only about prayers and rituals to prepare for the Hereafter; it is also about doing good on earth, as signified by the following verse from the Quran (Surah: Al-Baqarah, 2:201). This verse is recited while circling the Kaabah:

"rabbana aatinaa fid-dunyaa hassanataw-wa fil-aakhirati hassanataw-wa qinaa 'adhaaban naar"

(Oh Lord! Give us in this world that which is good, and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the torment of the Fire!).

Apart from re-enacting the rituals undertaken by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the Haj also teaches Muslims patience, humility, compassion, acceptance and faith.

The Haj is both enlightening and spiritually refreshing and, I pray that I would have the opportunity to do it again....Insya'Allah!

The Long And Winding Road

The road is long and winding
A road I've walked alone.

With decades of suffering
No one could have known

I laughed, lived and pretended

That everything was swell

But I end up empty hearted

And not a soul could tell 

The scars of pain and sorrow

I carried in my heart

And hoping that tomorrow

Would be a new start

To the Almighty I pray

For the strength to carry on

Would it always be this way

I see emptiness beyond

The long and winding road

Fraught with thorns and tears

Must I carry this load 

Through my remaining years

Our Song....

 

On Being Single

I have often been asked why I had chosen to remain single after becoming a widow (I am now into my 32nd year of widowhood).  Well, it's like this.  I became a widow at the age of 37 and my only son was 4.  Since I was the sole breadwinner my whole focus from then on was on work and my son.  I was fortunate that I had a good job and was financially independent.  I was also fortunate to have my late mum helped  me with taking care of my son.

By the time Nash completed his secondary school thirteen years later, I was 50 and I suddenly realized that the train had left the station.  There were suitors but they were all M&Ms (married and mortgaged, not the chocolate, ok!). I was also cautious about a stepfather entering my son's life and after being single for more than 10 years, I could not see myself settling down to be a housewife again.  I have always been outgoing and independent and I did not want to give up my independence just to have a life partner.  I also did not want to deal with issues related to ex wives and step children.   Don't get me wrong, I am not against the institution of marriage but I just think it is not for me after being single for so long.  I don't think I can make the adjustments to being a wife again.  Although I am outgoing by nature, I am also a loner at heart.  I enjoy moments of solitude and I feel comfortable walking into a restaurant alone, ordering a meal and reading a good book all by myself. Yes, there are pros and cons for being single but I think I am happier being single.  But who knows....maybe if someone shows up who would sweep me off my feet I might feel differently.  But for now it'll be me, myself and I.

Gurindam Jiwa

Tuai padi antara masak
Esok jangan layu-layuan
Intai kami antara nampak
Esok jangan layu-layuan

Anak Cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Bagaikan rambut disimpul mati

Batang selaseh mainan budak
Daun selaseh dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih talak tiada
Seribu tahu bertemu juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati dihujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudek ke hulu
Carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
Nantikan saya di pintu syurga

Perspectives

Just watched a rerun of Alfred Hitchcock's thriller Vertigo.  This is supposed to be one of the best from Master of Suspense, Alfred Hitchcock.  Funnily enough, watching it now no longer gives me the seat-gripping suspense like it did decades ago...suspenseful background music notwithstanding.  In fact, it seems rather "tame" compared to modern day blood and gore like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I think our perspectives change as we age.  Do you remember how the house you grew up in as a child seemed immense compared to what it is now when you see it as an adult?  That's how it is with most things in life....your old school which was an imposing structure next to a church, the events in your life that seemed so significant then but which no longer holds true among them.  Which reminds me of the lyrics of the song First of May by the Bee Gees:

When I was small and Christmas trees were tall.....
Now we are tall and Christmas trees are small.....

Lockdown!

It's day 40 of the MCO (Movement Control Order) when Malaysians have been home bound except for essential trips for groceries and medical services.  Nothing much to do except read, watch Netflix, surf social media and, of course EAT!

Much to my surprise I've found interest in cooking and have been trying some dishes that I have never before cooked. Since hubs died 30 years ago, mum and maid had taken over kitchen activities.  I was not encouraged to participate as I was deemed more a hindrance than a help.  Which suited me fine cause I was never the domesticated kind anyhow.  I'd much rather be out in the sun golfing with friends to keep in touch socially or catching up over lunch/tea....lunch can really stretch into tea....if you know what I mean!

But with limited eateries open for business (for takeaways, not dine in) one is left with no choice but to cook. With the help of recipes online and those from friends I have been able to whip up a few dishes most of which I thought turned out quite nicely. There were a couple of bloopers but not disastrous enough to warrant a place in the fb page "Masak Apa Tak Jadi Official" (loosely translated: Cooking That Did Not Turn Out Well Official)!

What we citizens have to endure cannot even compare to what our frontliners are facing daily.  Donned in PPE (Personal Protection Equipment) suits that are virtually saunas, they have toiled day and night to fight the scourge of Covid-19 and some, sadly, have lost their lives in trying to save others. The economic impact too is going to be grave as many small/medium sized businesses have folded resulting in job losses. No one knows for sure how bad it will be as this pandemic is something the world has not experienced.  All we can do is follow government's orders and pray that the MCO will be lifted gradully, as experience in other countries have shown that those who celebrated success too early have had to re-implement lockdown. 

Both Sides Now

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life, at all

Joni Mitchell

I Am A Rock

I am a rock
I am an island
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries.....

(Simon & Garfunkel)

When Life Throws Lemons At You....

I was independent from a very early age.  My parents were divorced when I was 8 and I lived with mum and my two other siblings.  From a young age, I was responsible for my own actions and also responsible for my family...we had to look out for each other.

Fast forward several decades later and I got married.  Hubs was a banker with a penchant for the outdoors and activities that not many would indulge in.  He was, among other things, a motocross enthusiast, motor car racer, fencer, scuba diver, amateur jockey, polo player, a pilot and of, course a skydiver.  I am a “live and let live” kind of person and although I worried about his near misses, I never insisted that he stopped his activities.  He had always wanted to join the Air Force but he was color blind so he could not do so.  He did the next thing to realize his dream.  He signed on as a member of the Royal Selangor Flying Club (which was then based at the Sungei Besi Air Force Base).  He took flying lessons under the tutelage of one Capt (R) Syed Zainal and he qualified for his PPL (Private Pilot’s Licence).  So I used to hang out at the Flying Club with him and it was there we became friends with a pilot, Albert Anthony,  who flew jump planes as a hobby.

It was also through the Flying Club that we were introduced to MSPA (Malaysian Sport Parachuting Association) founded by an ex-Commando, the late Capt (R) Moid Yahya….may Allah bless his soul. MSPA frequently hired Albert Anthony to ferry skydivers so we signed up to be MSPA members and trained to do parachute jumps.  I was inspired by 2 Chinese ladies, Harriet and Lucy, who had already made their jumps when I met them.

I have jumped out of airplanes 250 times todate, (10 static line jumps and 240 freefalls) and I have also done relative work (body flying to hold hands in mid air, before opening the parachute).  I was DCA-certified to be a Jumpmaster, the only lady Jumpmaster in Malaysia then.  As a Jumpmaster, I was responsible for dispatching novice jumpers out of airplanes. I stopped skydiving in 1982 to have a baby; Nash was born on August 14, 1985.

On August 13,1989,  tragedy struck.  Hubs was killed in a mid-air collision with another skydiver during the full dress rehearsal for the SEA Games, which was then held in Malaysia (opening ceremony was at Merdeka Stadium).  He and another skydiver performed maneuvers in mid-air before opening their parachutes.  Suddenly, the other skydiver, an ex-Commando, ran into hubs from behind.  As a result their parachute lines were entangled causing the parachutes to deflate. They both plummeted to the ground, entangled in the parachute lines, and landed on Bulatan Edinburgh, which used to be near the junction leading to Dewan Bahasa.  Hubs landed first while the other skydiver landed on him.  Hubs was killed instantly (I have always prayed that his demise was instant and, hopefully painless) while the other guy went into a coma for 5 days before succumbing to his (internal) injuries.

So, at age 37, I became a widow with a 4-year old son.  I was not prepared for this; we married for just 8 years when he died...although we dated on and off for 10 years.  So, he was someone I had known for 18 years.  My difficult childhood and the training I received when skydiving had toughened me by then.  No one said it would be easy but I never knew it would be HARD.   I made my own decisions, with input from others but most important, I faced my problems squarely and I take responsibility for the decisions I made; be they right or wrong.  

Nash was traumatized by the loss of his father and on the advice of his Kindy’s principal, I sought the advice of a well-known child psychologist, Dr. Kasmini.  Dr Kasmini said that children do not understand the concept of death like adults do but since Nash is an intelligent child, he was angry that “ayah” was taken away from him.  I told him that “ayah” had gone to be with Allah, because Allah loves him and he was never coming back. Only his doa can help “ayah”. His anger  manifested in aggression and he started to hit kids on the school bus and the parents complained to the principal, hence the principal’s request for me to seek professional help.  The counselling sessions were long and hard.  I was too consumed with my own grief and I did not know how to handle my son’s grief.  Slowly, we learnt how to cope and the journey seemed less burdensome, but it was never easy.

To forget my grief, I buried myself in work and I became successful in my career. Since I was the sole breadwinner, I pushed myself to excel at work to pay my bills.  I even found time to enrol in a part-time Masters degree program, under my employer’s Education Reimbursement Policy. It was not for financial reason that I pursued the Masters Program.  It was more for self actualization.   It was very stressful too because  for 3 years, I had no weekends for classes were held on weekends.  I was in a travelling job then and my assignments were always with me when I travelled.  I was very blessed that mum moved in to help care for Nash, with a full time maid. I got promoted and went places in my job.

However, success at work came at a cost - to  my health.  In the years since hubs died, I had undergone 14 surgeries; three of which were botched jobs that required further surgeries.  These surgeries and recovery period added to my stress and one day, I collapsed while getting ready for work.  I suffered a panic attack.

I was in  my early 50’s and I was diagnosed with clinical (major) depression.  I started seeing a therapist (aka psychiatrist) who advised me that my life’s experiences, since losing hubs, had made me a walking time bomb, waiting to explode.  When I was younger, my coping mechanisms were strong, but as I grew older, it became more difficult to cope.  All I needed was a trigger and the trigger came in the form of stress at work and events at work.  I was off work for more than 6 months and during that time, mum was diagnosed with leukemia.  It was a double whammy...I was “sick” and I had to grapple with my mum’s cancer.  It was like falling hard while I was just struggling to walk again.  I had to start from scratch.  Also, during this time, I tore my rotator cuff while lifting mum’s wheelchair.  I had a surgery while I was sick and looking after a sick mum….it could not get much worse than that.

Those were the darkest days of my life, I was at my lowest but I plodded on...not knowing what else to do except face my problems.  It was what made me decide to retire at age 55 although I could have continued to work till 60.  I felt that I could not contribute as I did before; given my circumstances.  It was a tough decision as I had a well paying job with a Fortune 500 oil and gas corporation...but I realized that there is more to life than money.  Yes, money helps to pay bills but I decided I wanted my life back, I wanted to spend time with mum while she is still around.  I can always find something to do to earn, but I have only one shot with mum.  Today, I am thankful I made that decision to retire, it was the best decision I’ve made in my life.

In 2007, after retirement, I underwent a simple surgery to remove my gall bladder due to stones. However, during the surgery, the doctor nicked my bile duct, causing bile to leak into my abdomen. The doctor tried for 8 days to stop the leakage but was not successful.  Since bile is toxic, it eventually turned septic and I almost succumbed to septicemia (blood poisoning).  At the very last minute, I was referred to HUKM (from APSH) where a follow up surgery was performed and 2 litres of pus were drained from my abdomen.  It was a close call, but Alhamdullillah, I am still standing.  During the period of recovery in hospital, I had the calling to perform the Haj and Alhamdullilah, I have now found solace in religion.  I now realize how fragile life is..here today and gone tomorrow.  I also realize that material wealth does not make one happy, although it makes life easier.  Today, I try to share my knowledge and experiences to help others and I am trying to give back to society by being involved in making this world a better place.

The public at large does not understand what depressed people go through. Even my company doctor advised me not to talk about my depression to friends at work for it may create a negative perception of my performance.  Depressed people need help, they do not need the additional pressure of keeping their condition under wraps.  So, if a doctor can tell me not to talk about being depressed, what hope is there for the person suffering?

To my friends, I “looked” fine.  I love singing, went places, played golf, has a good sense of humor and just seem to enjoy what I do.  Maybe that was my way of coping...I kept myself busy so that I don’t have time to think of my predicament.  It was a form of escape, you might say.  It was a facade I built around me...but over time, something’s gotta give. That was when I had a meltdown.  Now, I have turned to religion to keep me grounded and yet, continue to live my life and help others for whatever years I have left.  I wake up thankful everyday that I can see another day and do whatever I can to make a difference before my time is up.

It has been difficult to bare my soul when I was going through the turmoil but I am now at a stage in my life where I do not worry about what others think of me.  I am me and my experiences have made me the person I am today.  I have managed to overcome the odds and I hope that by sharing, I can make a difference in someone else’s life.  That, to me, is already worth it.

APA ITU BITCOIN DAN PERNIAGAAN MATAWANG DIGITAL (DALAM TALIAN)

Apa Itu Bitcoin?

Bitcoin adalah matawang digital yang digunakan di Internet dan ia merupakan system pembayaran digital yang pantas.  Ia boleh dihantar dari satu individu kepada individu yang lain melalui website di Internet tanpa melalui bank {seperti p2p).  Ini bermakna kos penghantaran wang adalah lebih mudah, cepat dan murah.

Matawang digital ini boleh digunakan di seluruh dunia oleh sesiapa saja tanpa perlu tertakluk kepada sebarang peraturan pihak berkuasa bank pusat seperti Bank Negara Malaysia dan Federal Reserve Bank di Amerika Syarikat.  Matawang ini juga tidak boleh dibekukan kerana ia tidak melalui mana-mana bank.

Bagaiman Bitcoin Bermula?

Matawang ini dicipta oleh seorang yang hanya dikenali dengan nama Satoshi Nakamoto yang dipercai berbangsa Jepun.  Ada yang menyatakan Satoshi Nakamoto adalah satu watak yang tidak wujud sebenarnya.  Watak ini diwujudkan untuk melindungi individu atau kumpulan sebenar yang mewujudkan matawang ini.

Bagaimana Bitcoin Dibuat?

Bitcoin ini dicipta melalui aplikasi rumit dan memakan masa yang dipanggil Bitcoin Mining Machine.  Proses ini dipanggil "mining".

Bagaimana Bitcoin Disimpan?

Bitcoin disimpan dalam Bitcoin Wallet iaitu website bank online atau PayPal yang anda pernah gunakan.  Anda juga boleh gunakan Bitcoin Wallet ini untuk menghantar dan menerima wang.  Penghantaran dan penerimaan adalah berdasarkan alamat emel dan password anda.

Apa Yang Boleh Dibeli Dengan Bitcoin?

Kebanyakan kedai online di Internet sudah mula menerima pembayaran melalui Bitcoin.  Antara perniagaan besar yang menerima Bitcoin adalah Dell, Virgin, Microsoft dan Expedia.

Berapa Nilai Bitcoin?

Pada masa ini, nilai Bitcoin adalah USD5,733 di Amerika Syarikat dan RM24,318 di Malaysia.  Nilai asal Bitcoin di Amerika Syarikat adalah kurang dari USD1.00 pada tahun 2010.  Di Malaysia pula, nilai asalnya kurang dari RM1,000 pada tahun 2012.

BERMINAT?  Daftar dengan percuma di sini: https://nori52.usi-tech.info/register
WA: 0122828811

Menghafal Surah Yaseen

Buat masa kini, saya belajar menghafal Surah Yasin dengan mengikut CD dalam kereta. Saya ke Seremban atas urusan perniagaan dua kali seminggu. Dalam perjalanan pergi balek ke Seremban, saya dapat membaca Surah ini 20 kali berpandukan CD.  Selain dari itu, tiap-tiap kali saya memandu, CD ini akan berkumandang.

Buat masa sekarang saya sudah dapat menghafal 2/3 Surah ini. Yang 1/3 lagi saya hafal ayat-ayatnya tapi belum cukup yakin akan aturan ayatnya.. misalnya lepas ayat Ini apa ayat berikutnya.  Tapi kalau ikut CD saya boleh. Insya Allah terus menghafal dan satu hari mesti akan berjaya.


https://www.facebook.com/NDNori/videos/10210520183350677/



#dimanaadakemahuan
#alqurantemandialambarzakh

Mortality

As I watched 90-year old former US President Jimmy Carter talked about his 4th stage cancer on TV recently, several thoughts went through my mind.  What would I feel and how would I react if a doctor tells me that I have x months/years to live?  Would I break down and cry or would I start thinking about what to do next and how to prepare for the end of my existence?

To be honest, such a revelation would devastate me. The practical side of me says that I would ask the doctor questions about what treatment is available and the cost, how would the treatment affect me, the dos and don'ts of a cancer patient, etc.  But the emotional side of me tells me that I would have a good cry right in front of the doctor and would probably ask to come back when I am more composed to discuss the matter.

Jimmy Carter appeared to have accepted his lot very well.  He spoke about it without any signs of emotion, he rattled off facts as if this was just another talk show, he answered questions and he even smiled during the interview.  What was most amazing is his acceptance of his mortality and his ability to continue doing things that he'd always done.  He is still teaching in Sunday schools, he is still planning to travel to Nepal with his family, health permitting.

He is very fortunate to have the support of his family, friends and the community he lives in.  His wife of fifty-something years, Rosalynn, is a bedrock of strength during this stage of his life.  He has the support of his church and his community. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and being depressed, he said he will continue to live his life as he had always done and God will take care of the rest.

It is during times like this that a belief in religion helps.  Usually, it is during this time too that most people turn to religion for solace and strength.  The presence of family who cares cannot be under-estimated.  At a time when the patient feels so helpless, it is comforting to know there is someone who really cares.  It cannot take away the pain that comes with cancer treatment (I've seen my mother's reaction to chemotherapy) but the presence of someone who unconditionally loves you is part of the treatment too.

Time.....

26 years ago today...I was 37; Nash was 4.

May Allah have mercy on your soul and may your place be amongst the believers.

Al-fatihah....


“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 
― Rose Kennedy


#hajimuhandesbinhajimohamed
#6/7/42-13/8/89
#lifegoeson
#iamstrongiaminvincibleiamwoman

Reminiscing

#wheredidtheyearsgo
#inreflectivemood

#beentheredonethat

Batu Berendam Airport, Malacca circa 1980

Jumpmaster Rating (Responsible for Despatching Students Off A Jump Plane)

Asean Parachuting Championship, Bogor, Indonesia (Circa 1982)

Royal Command Performance, Sg Besi Air Force Base (Circa 1983)

Skydive over Marana, Arizona (Circa 1984)

Mount Kinabalu, August 31, 1981

Haj - November 2009

Royal Lake Club Golf Trip - Surabaya (2013)

Royal Pines Golf Resort, Gold Coast (2012)

Aah...This Thing Called Ageing

Of late, I've been seeing flashes of light at the corner of my left eye when driving at night.  At first, I thought that my prescription glasses needed checking but when I removed my glasses, the flashes were still there.  I then sought advice from Dr. Google who informed me that it could be due to either (1) ocular migraine or (2) torn retina.  Whilst (1) is just a mere nuisance, (2) could potentially lead to permanent blindness.

A check with an Opthalmologist confirmed that I had a condition called PVD (posterior vitreous detachment).  What on earth is this beast called PVD?  The Opthalmologist patiently explained it thus:

When we look at something, light passes through the front of the eye, and is focused by the lens onto the retina. The retina is a delicate tissue coating the inside of the eye. It converts the light into electrical signals that travel along the optic nerve to the brain. The brain interprets these signals to 'see' the world around us.

The eye is filled with a clear jelly-like substance called the vitreous gel. Light passes through the vitreous gel to focus on the retina. When the vitreous jelly comes away from the retina this is called a vitreous detachment.  The movement of the vitreous away from the retina at the back of the eye creates a tug on the retina.  The retina reacts by sending a small electrical charge to your brain.  You see this as short, small, flashes of light.

The cure?  None.  The coming away of the vitreous gel from the retina is a process that can take to about 6 months.  When this evolution is complete, normal sight is restored.  However, if the following symptoms appear, then a visit to the Opthalmologist is mandatory; if not immediately, at least within the next 24 hours:

• A sudden appearance of floaters or an increase in their size and number.
• Flashes of light and/or a change/increase in the flashing lights you experience.
• Blurring of vision.
• A dark "curtain" moving up, down or across your vision, as this may mean that the retina has already partially detached.

Aaah...this thing called ageing!

Winter of My Life

Found this piece written by Patrick Timm that so aptly describes the sunset phase of life....

BY: PATRICK TIMM
"I have always enjoyed autumn, it is the best season of all. Crisp cool days. Breezes blowing colorful leaves throughout the air. I can finally wear a sweatshirt or jacket and be comfortable. Fresh snow on the craggy peaks. Anticipation of the upcoming holidays. Cozy evenings by the fireplace. A time to slow down and reflect of the past.

This year as I sit here in the middle  of the winter season and look out at the cold sunshine I began to think. Time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems like yesterday that I was young starting my career and family. Yet in a way, it seems like a lifetime ago, and I  wonder where all the years went. I have lived them all and have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

But here it is, the winter of my life in reality. I guess it caught me by surprise, oh how did it get here so fast?

Where did the years go and where did my youth go? Reminds me of the song “Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing . . .”

Throughout my years I saw older people thinking that those older people were years away from me. The fact is—my friends are retired and getting gray. I look at them and they are older now, some move a little slower. I can see the change. I  am now one of those older folks that I used to see and never thought I would be there. Almost everything is an effort now, just taking care of myself. Taking a nap doesn’t seem like a treat anymore but a necessity.

Well, now I must come to the realization that this is final season of my life for I have lived through spring, summer and fall. I am unprepared for the aches and pains and the inability to go back and do all the things that I wish I had done. On the calendar the winter season has a predetermined set of days. In life I don’t really know my remaining days. Two or three years, 12 or 20 years? I do know, that when it’s over on this earth…it’s over. 

Regrets? Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done and things I should have done . My one pleasure is knowing there are many things I’m happy to have done. Spring, summer and fall, yeah I was busy.

If one figures there are twenty years to each of the four seasons of an average life, think where you are as they come and go quickly. Whatever you would like to accomplish in your life do it now.

Of course we never have the promise that we will see all the seasons of life so live each day to the fullest. I realize my children are becoming me. I get a little forgetful at times—I like to think it is just all that data in my memory banks overflowing.

I look at my clothes in my closet, I must have several sizes of clothes. Heck, I will never wear most of them.

Getting old is enjoyable in some ways, I daydream of the good old days, old songs, old movies, old friends, playing outside and other antics. A life much simpler than now. No worries then. Life was eternal.

I remember my Father-In-Law in  his winter season of life. He always had ripe bananas in his fruit bowl on the table. I made mention of this one time and he replied that at his age he doesn’t buy any green bananas. That always stuck in my mind. I chuckle each time I select a banana now.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not giving up on life—just realizing I must make the most of my remaining days for they are numbered. The actual spring season is about 75 days away but my mind and body will be frozen in the winter of my life throughout the remaining calendar seasons that God grants me to see .  No mid-life crisis, way beyond  that. Each sunset will be a reminder of my life that I have lived.

Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago?

Where have all the flowers gone?
Young girls have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time passing?
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time ago?
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Gone to flowers, everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?"

Adrenaline Junkie: 40 Rules to Live Your Life By

Lessons From the Crash of Germanwings Flight 4U9525

With the information that deceased Germanwings pilot Andreas Lubitz had suffered from depression, perhaps employers need to focus on this aspect of employees' health. Sadly, depression is often misunderstood by society at large and this is why Lubitz had hidden this illness from his employers.

Society tends to look at depression as a "mental illness" which carries negative conotations such as insanity, weakness and excessive emotion. Granted, it is a condition of the mind, but it is like any illness as it is treatable with medication and therapy. It is caused by the imbalance of hormones in the brain but unfortunately, if a person declares that he/she is depressed, this often is used against the employee and may have an impact on one's career advancement. Hence, the reason why Lubitz hid the truth from his employers.

The most famous depressed personality is the painter Vincent Van Gogh. His famous paintings (usually a riot of vibrant colors) were a reflection of his tortured mind, which had led to him being institutionalised, and eventually, suicide.

The following is a good article on understanding depression. If you think you are depressed, seek professional help.

Remember, depression is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign that you have tried to be strong for far too long....

PS
Investigators have determined that Lubitz did inform his employers about his illness and there is now a raging debate about who knows what when.  However, it still remains that depression is a much-misunderstood illness and society at large needs to be educated on how to recognize symptoms and seek help.

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-signs-and-symptoms.htm